I can’t get a job

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I can’t get a job

I don’t know why.

But if I can’t get an internship for the summer of 2019, I actually have thought about legitimate alternatives.

I’d either stay home in Vancouver and take a break from how much I did last year (where I went to Singapore then went to Shanghai for the summer). This would give me time to reconnect with my friends, spend more time with family, and just work on “me”. Maybe start new projects, learn new classes, and explore the city more and live a little more.

Or, I might go back to China and go to the Shaolin Temples and be a monk for 2 months.

It’s definitely on my bucket list to practice mindfulness and practice a life of asceticism.

I’d get to spend my days meditating, practicing martial arts, learning Chinese culture and language, calligraphy, and practice mindfulness. I’d imagine I’d have a lot more time to read and write, especially since I’d probably not be spending my spare time on Instagram.

So what do you plan to do for next summer?

Me? 

I’ll probably be working an investment bank job, or I’ll be in China in a temple.

Either way, I’m excited. And I think that’s a good place for me to be in, because I don’t have any expectations. I just expect to make the best out of whatever situation I’m placed in.

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Expectations

Daily Blog Post 378

I’ve written a lot about expectations this year and that’s because I’ve recently been trying to better understand this concept more.

I’ve written a lot about expectations this year and that’s because I’ve recently been trying to better understand this concept more.

In regards to any situation, we have three choices to make in what we expect for the result.

We can have high expectations of ourselves

We can have low expectations of ourselves

Or have no expectations.

If we have high expectations of ourselves, then it can be a great motivator. But it can also be detrimental if we fail to reach those expectations too often. You can’t set your sights too high that it’s impossible to reach, because then you’ll be telling yourself “I expected better” every time. And if you expect better every time, then you are telling yourself that you have failed… every time. You are not meeting expectations. 

Self-expectations are tricky in this way.

Setting smart goals is the key to escaping the trap of detrimental self-expectations. Reach high. Be imaginative. But be smart. Don’t expect yourself to attain the impossible EVERY time. Gary Vee, a mentor I highly respect and follow, has often told his followers that he realized at an early age that he is more likely to buy the NY Jets than play for the NY Jets. One goal is smart and attainable and motivates him to be the best entrepreneur he can be, and at the same time, he is most definitely reaching high. It’s a big expectation for him. Had he set another goal to play for the Jets, well, at this point, would be near impossible for him, and was near impossible given his situation growing up. Some of us are just not born to be professional athletes on a national stage.

What about low-expectations?

These are non-negotiable in my opinion. Low-expectations sets yourself up for failure. 

It becomes a race to the bottom.

You hit your goals because they are so low. Now you’ve set a new ceiling, but it’s lower. Every new “goal” moves the ceiling lower, and your possibilities for achievement thus go lower. It’s a quick race to the bottom. Pessimists believe they can’t fail because they either hit their low goals or they were “right” about failing. What a cognitive dissonance–either option sucks.

But what about expectations of other people, not ourselves?

I wholeheartedly think that these expectations are the worst.

If I expect my friend to do a certain thing, and they fail to do it, is it a fault of them, or is it an internal fault? Was my friend even aware of the expectation in the first place?

I’ve been actively trying not to project my expectations on other people, especially if I don’t actively voice them. On strangers, on friends, on family. It can become a toxic thing when you live in that world. Where are those expectations coming from?

In reality, nothing ever goes completely as you’ve fantasized it. Never 100%.

If you are okay with these expectations never being fully realized, then I commend you.

But personally, I’d prefer to allow the flow of life to occur. Go into the strides of life not expecting the worst, and not expecting the best out of myself, nor other people. Instead, just living. Just being. Just allowing the world to work its magic.

Writing a book

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I’ve always wanted to start a blog. Share my thoughts with the world…and even if the world didn’t bother to look, I knew that if I had a blog, I would be able to materialize my thoughts and journal my life. At the very least, that would have been enough. The fact that there are people who read my writing makes this blog even more valuable to me.

And because I’ve always wanted to start a blog, last year, I did.

And I now no longer want to start a blog. Because I’ve done it. I’m doing it. I am doing my dream (albeit a small part of my “dreams”)

I want to be an investor. I want to be rich. I want to make an impact (whatever that means). I want to write. I want to read. I want to travel. I want to inspire. I want to educate. I want to meditate. I want to exist.

And, earlier today, sparked from a conversation I had with a friend in my Human Person class, I think I’ve decided that I want to write a book.

Will anyone read it? Will it be good? Will I even finish it?

I continue to ask those questions about each of my blog posts, but really, those are all unimportant questions right now.

Right now, I think I just need to write.

And continue to write.

And continue to be who I am.

The book will come sooner or later. But now it’s part of my list of dreams.

Change

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Every year I am reminded of how change is inevitable when I see the orange leaves that were once green fall off these massive trees.

Even these large trees, with a reach that almost touches the sky, cannot escape the inevitable.

And every year around this time, nearing the end of the calendar year, I look back at how much has changed in my life since these leaves last started falling.

How much I’ve grown.

How much I’ve learned.

How much I’ve experienced.

How much I’ve hurt.

I like Fall as a season because it reminds me that every passing year that change will come, and I need to embrace it and shed the leaves from the past year.

I didn’t

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I didn’t do anything today

Except think about the things I wanted to do.

I don’t like it when these days pass.

Instead of thinking, I should be doing.

As much as I read, as much as I write, I need to do more.

Tomorrow will be better.

The little voice inside my head

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I wonder how much more boring life would be if my irrational mind wasn’t always accompanying me.

Overthinking every detail instead of just doing.

Social media has a way of pointing me in that direction.

“What does her caption mean?”

“Why did he go to New York and not invite me?”

“She hasn’t responded to me in 3 hours! She must be mad”

“She responded too quickly. She must like me”

“My professor responded with a short sentence. Did he not like my message?”

But I don’t think social media is bad for me.

When I first started doing Muay Thai and Boxing in Singapore, I went often, maybe 4 times a week.

It hurt a lot. My body was adapting to new movements.

And I was afraid of making mistakes. My irrational brain made me think of how embarrassing it was for me to not know how to do Muay Thai kicks or properly punch. How irrational is it? That your brain makes you feel bad for not being good at something you’ve never done…

So was Muay Thai and boxing bad for me?

It was an intrinsic issue. It was my irrational thoughts. But I fought through them. Literally.

And so is social media bad for me? Or is it an intrinsic issue?

I love overthinking. My friends often get frustrated by it, I’m sure. But the little voice inside my head keeps me sane. It’s weird.

I have all these things that I wish I could do and for some reason I’ve just stopped doing them. Maybe it’s time to listen to that voice and take the steps forward. Get out of my comfort zone even if it scares me. They always say that growth happens when you are most uncomfortable.

What’s the worst that could happen in most cases? Really. I think I can endure them. So maybe it’s time for me to ask that question about my life I’ve been meaning to ask. Who am I?

getting through

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I love the weekend

But I’m also trying to start loving the weekdays

It’s when I get my stuff done. That’s when I get to truly chase my goals

If you live for the weekend you are living for the days where you can escape your duties

But my duties include my passions

And my weekends give me a break

My passions drive me and my weekends recharge me

If you can learn to love the entire week, I think you’ve won in life